


compare & contrast

by misura



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Multi, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 17:43:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10223651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Arguing, bonding and making up. (In short: relationships.)





	

_how Raymond and Kevin fight_

"I must disagree with you - respectfully, of course."

"Naturally, I acknowledge your right to do so."

"Thank you."

"Do you believe that a repeating of my previously stated reasons might incline you to change your opinion?"

"I do not."

"Well. Then I suppose there is nothing more left to say on the subject."

 

_how Jake and Amy fight_

"You are an immature, selfish, irresponsible ... person."

"Well, hey, if that's how you want this conversation to go: agreed on all counts. Although I would like to point out that I did the dishes that one time for totally non-selfish reasons."

"You did, but now you've tried using doing that to win an argument, so there. Selfish."

"All right, fair enough."

"..."

"See what I did there? I made it so that instead of us having an argument, we're in complete agreement. Pretty mature, eh?"

"..."

/

_how Raymond and Jake bond_

"Selfish. Immature. Irresponsible."

"How do you _do_ that? That's exactly what Amy said. Like, literally."

"Hm? Oh, I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about me."

"Right. I totally knew that."

"You agree with my self-assessment, then?"

"Uh, pass? Hey, how about I get us both another drink?"

"Consuming overly large quantities over alcoholic beverages rarely, if ever, solves anything. You should know this, Peralta."

"Well, yeah, but A, it's fun and B, I really want to talk you into going to a karaoke bar after this and I figure my chances go way up if I get you drunk first."

 

_how Kevin and Amy bond_

"More wine?"

"Fill 'er right up, Kev."

"Hm. I think that perhaps you have had enough. Besides, I would not want to keep you too late. Doubtlessly, you have work tomorrow."

"You know what, screw work. And screw guys."

"Well put. Excuse me for a moment while I go and retrieve another bottle."

/

_how Raymond and Kevin make up_

"I was wrong."

"No, I was wrong."

"While I hold with the principle that two wrongs do not a right make, may I suggest that, in this particular instance, they do, i.e. that we might simply put the matter behind us."

"An excellent suggestion."

"Thank you. It is gratifying to hear you indulge in flattery. Would you perhaps care to dine out today, in a celebration of us having put this small difficulty behind us?"

"I was hoping you might agree to cook. That way, we might stay home, thereby preserving our access to the full amenities of home."

"Say no more. Dinner at seven, then?"

"Let's make it seven thirty."

"A wonderful idea."

 

_how Jake and Amy make up_

"So maybe I was not one hundred percent right."

"Maybe I overreacted. A little."

"I mean, simply because it's my personal opinion, that doesn't mean it's, you know, a fact. Like, a _fact_ sort of fact. It's just a 'well, that's my opinion' sort of fact. Totally different."

"You were wrong."

"Thank you. I was trying very hard not to have to say that. So, really, thanks. Should we celebrate by ordering some pizza?"

"You pay for the pizza, I do the dishes, after?"

"How about: I pay for the pizza, _I_ do the dishes, after? Ha! Fooled you. Because we're ordering pizza and there's not going to be any dishes after, so that's a totally easy promise to make."

"Ha! Fooled _you_. I'm going to be eat dinner like a civilized person and use a plate."

"Curses. Why do I have to be so insanely attracted to someone who is so clearly either an alien or a pod person? Or are pod persons aliens, too? I guess it depends on the movie. Anyway, fine, you win. But I'm not using a plate, and that is final."

"Fine."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] compare & contrast](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12373734) by [exmanhater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/exmanhater/pseuds/exmanhater), [Rhea314 (Rhea)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhea/pseuds/Rhea314)




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